Fucking retarded

Absolutely insane to talk to strangers about life’s questions but I’ve maxed out friends and family. My husband asked me to help him seal an assault. It was originally a felony. He wants it off his record. He keeps saying he did the same for me.

The first time I called the police, he made it seem like I attacked him, so I was arrested. I tried popping our car’s tire with a knife, so he tussled with me to stop. I called, scared because, he got very physically aggressive with me to get me to stop. I called police upset the next day about what happened. He told the police I pulled a knife on him. His play on words got me arrested. The officer knew him and his dad as well.

Several months later, I called the police because he had his hands on my neck. He bartered or negotiated to drop my DV charges with a knife to lesson his felony for choking me while I was pregnant. He didn’t strangle me a super long time but he left marks. My charges were dismissed and his were lessened.

I called the police again recently because he and I were fighting. He picked up a pack n play to throw at me not knowing our youngest was in bed with me. I screamed at him to stop. He drug me out of the room by my hair. I was mad and called police because he was being so mean. I didn’t go to testify because I didn’t think it was wise to put the provider for our family in jail. We have five kids and he makes a great income. He told me he’s applying for better jobs after four years of being on night shift at his current job. In June he started Day Shift. He found a great job with college for free for our kids and a state pension. His career is taking off.

I don’t want to help him get it lifted because he’s never apologized. He promised to go to anger management if I didn’t testify but shut down as soon as I got expected him to follow through—he never went.

I feel like if I don’t help him seal his assault and No Bill, he’s going to hate me. But he has good reason from loss of job opportunities.

However just recently he told me I bring nothing to the table. I’m a SAHM. I’m nursing our 5 month old, and watch our twin three year olds, and our two year old. We also have a going on thirteen year old come September. He doesn’t value me. And often talks about divorce. I recently found spam porn, was mad about it, so he took off for 8 hours at the casino. We constantly fight.

He works hard for our family. He’s got a bad temper. He wants me to help him fix his background and move on. He also says I act like it’s leverage and a good wife wouldn’t have called the police.

I have no plans besides keep my teaching license current and my kids alive.