I feel like so many people dislike me. Is something wrong with me?

I can’t stop crying since yesterday. I feel like no one really wants me around and a lot of people dislike me. I am always kind and respectful towards everyone no matter who and I feel like something must be wrong with me that people have excluded and ostracized me.

I feel invisible and lonely. A friend of mine told me I am one of the most colorful people they e ever met which felt like a compliment. I’ve been told I am a kind person and full of love. I am bubbly and sweet. But, since I was little, I just have been the odd one out. Always forgotten or just the last one left that no one picked. I’m not a shy person and tend to stand out with my fashion. I like expressing myself.

I keep trying to think hard on if I said or did anything to offend anyone.

I am in college. My classmates have a clique in the major department. They support each other always but never me. I support them and compliment them, being friendly and open. But, they just act kinda standoffish towards me. My professor constantly praises my work and a classmate outside of the clique told me that I was branded by her one of the greatest writers in class. I got praise from her for my last film.

I presented my short film to the class and it was absolutely silent. No one paid attention especially the leader of the clique who happens to be also friendly and outgoing to everyone except me. Everyone seems to like her and praise her but for me, I’m just invisible?

I made a stupid account for my short film and none of my classmates followed me back. I ended up deleting it. I felt embarrassed.

No one who worked on my other short film last semester included my film for the portfolio, only the films that the members of the clique made. This person used to be my friend but ever since two semesters ago, they stopped sitting next to me and interacting with me, even removing my friend request. I kept wondering what I did wrong. They all support the other films openly and exuberantly but for me, it’s usually just dead silence and crickets.

My professor who usually praises me seemed to not really fancy my last film and I felt embarrassed but people outside of class did. It’s confusing. I felt and still feel like a failure. It’s the worst semester ever and it’s my last semester. I feel alone in class. I can’t concentrate and now hardly show up because I can’t handle the exclusion. It makes me feel like a kid again.

I thought it was because I’m autistic or something but another autistic person in an old friend group also excluded me and treated me differently than everyone else. I noticed the behavior differences since I’m observant. Towards me, it’s cold and quiet and kinda fake (caught them sizing me up once). To others, open, exuberant and outgoing. I would be friendly towards them but they would act standoffish towards ONLY me. We had a lot in common too in terms of interests.