I don’t see why I should have emotions at this point

Honestly as the years go by I feel like happiness is more an illusion than anything. The things in life have only left me with the emotions of anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, disappointment, pain and on some occasions a desire to die. People tell me I have a whole life ahead of me but so far it truly feels like a punishment really.

Emotions are really just an inconvenience to me they have me yearning for things I don’t have and won’t have in life. Along with the trials I go through in my life with my family. If I could turn my emotions off completely I’d do it but that is impossible emotions are an evolution to help us survive. To have emotions is to live but the only way to not have emotions is to die. I unfortunately don’t have the guts to go through with that so I’m stuck like this ugh wish the brain came up with something for this

-19f