I (21F) found out that my boyfriend (22M) is addicted to p*rn.

(English isn't my first language, so please forgive any grammar mistakes.)

I’ve been with him since late 2023, and we recently had a big argument about something related to pornography. I went through his email and found out that he had paid for specific content on OnlyFans. I confronted him about it, but he lied to me. I literally had to log into his account and show him all the proof of what he did. After that, he finally admitted the truth (partially).

Since then, my self-esteem has hit its lowest point, and this really affected me. He begged me, crying, to forgive him, and I did, but I told him that if something like this happened again, I wouldn’t forgive him a second time. He promised he would never do it again. Unfortunately, I still love him. I also love his family, and my family loves him too.

But ever since I found out about this (almost two months ago), something hasn’t felt right. After the argument, he didn’t really try to win me back. We pretty much went back to our routine, but I still felt really weird about the situation.

Since I still had access to his email on my phone, I decided to check it along with his Google Chrome search history. And well… I saw that he was downloading 18+ games. I didn’t think it was enough to start another argument, but it happened at 3 AM, after he told me he was going to sleep.

Yesterday, I checked his computer and found a secondary email account and a Twitter account that I had never heard of. And yes, it was for porn. And yes, he had been using it recently. I checked his “following” list and saw a lot of accounts similar to the OnlyFans one. This completely broke me again. I thought he was really trying to distance himself from it. He kept saying he was terrified of losing me. But he never actually stopped.

I confronted him again yesterday. At first, he used the same strategy as the first time, saying “I don’t use it anymore” and all that. I told him that I knew the truth and that he needed to be honest. After that, he admitted that he’s addicted to porn. He said that when he’s bored, he opens that Twitter account and scrolls through it like it’s a Pinterest board, just to have a little “fun.” He also told me that after our argument, he couldn’t get hard to it, and the only escape he found was through the 18+ games.

Hearing him say this absolutely broke me. I felt worthless, like I wasn’t enough. All those feelings I had during our first argument came rushing back like a wave. I honestly don’t recognize the man I fell in love with anymore. He promised again that he would stop, that he would work on this side of him (he goes to therapy but never mentioned this issue in his sessions).

I don’t know if I should believe him again. I don’t know if I should break up with him or maybe take a break from this relationship. How do I deal with this, when I still have feelings for him?

TL;DR: I found out that my boyfriend is addicted to porn. I had already forgiven him two months ago after discovering an OnlyFans account, but now I found out he’s still consuming porn regularly. I love him, but I don’t know if he will really stop like he promised.