freshly 18 & diagnosed

hey im 18, got diagnosed with bpd around a month ago. i know its quite young to be diagnosed, but my first year of uni was so difficult i lowkey to to a really really bad point and was forced by the counselor. anyway my doctors put me on 150mg lithium twice a day, not a lot but i feel like it numbs my crashouts out a bit so they're not too harmful for people around me. I've been home for the summer and have been splitting at my parents daily, often a few times and i don't really know what to do anymore. the anger just comes and i cant control it at all. each word will be louder than the next, im pretty sure my whole building knows when crashouts about to start. ill go from feeling the anger literally inflate in my chest and my throat closing up to sobbing and begging for forgiveness. I've been journaling but its just been a bit of a mess. my mom said at dinner that these years would be the best years of my life. hello???? soz bit of a rant. I've been coping badly, ill just get stoned every time i feel an episode coming, but its more difficult now that im at home. i have a really bad relationship with my parents. my moms been trying to fix it, working on communication and i actually feel so bad because shes trying so hard and juggling so much but its kind of too late because i don't have the energy anymore. my dad is a horrible horrible man. he goes silent at any conflict, fully pretends i don't exist, and in a way, he thinks im just "a girl growing up". but i know its more than just puberty. I've been feeling insane at uni, i get so angry i want people to start a fight so i have a reason to get aggressive because there's jus this constant anger within me and i dony know how to get rid of it. the moment i get upset by anyone i almost get excited by what will happen. i feel insane, and its not at all in an "omg look im so tiktok bpd" type of way, i actually get scared but its also the adrenaline of the anger and not knowing whatll happen. there's no way of explaining it without sounding borderline psycho and "quirky". its not even funny fml. id disappear and change my name and just start a new life if i could because I've made too many stupid decisions in the one im living in rn. so glad reddit is anonymous.

I've been reading through a lot of posts and its made me feel a lot better actually, but i just wanted some advice on how to manage everything as someone who still needs to rely on their main trigger financially and cant just disappear and start fresh. any advice would be appreciated xx. sorry for all the spelling mistakes im currently sobbing.