I was 16 and destroyed any chance for a normal life.

Hello all,

I just want to post here because this is something I’ve never let out in one place. I was always ashamed, but something happened in the last few days where my mind set changed and I realized that I was wronged.

When I was 16, I was removed from my mom’s custody and placed with my grandmother(my mom was doing drugs). She couldn’t afford to take care of me which led me to stay with a friend and her much older boyfriend J (31).

They were heavily into some drugs, but mainly weed and pills. After a few months of living there, the boyfriend started waking me up early mornings and getting me super high and feeding me some pills. I don’t know why I did it, I think the fact he knew I had a crush on him made it to where I wanted to do what he wanted.

J started taking me on walks around the neighborhood early morning. I didn’t even feel real at the time. I’ll also mention I was on my own prescription medication as well (lithium and gabapentin). I was in this disassociated state where I just felt like I was dreaming.

After a few weeks of this morning walks, J asked me to watch out for him while he broke into a house. He knew the people that lived there and were friends of theirs, so knew they weren’t home. I didn’t understand what was happening, I felt like it was all a dream. I remember he asked me to help him carry a tv out.

He gave it to someone for more weed I remember, then the next day it was the same thing but a different house. I told him he shouldn’t this time but he did anyways. I didn’t know what he took.

I called my mom later that morning and she picked me up and I told her everything I remembered. She took me to the PD and gave permission for them to get a statement (10/2010). 2 months later, the day after my 17th birthday the police called my mom and stated they were charging me through the Hand of One, Hand of All law in the state. The two victims of the crime both asked to drop the charges against me, but the county picked them up because they were serious charges.

It turned out that J had stolen a small handgun from both residences. This led to charges including possession of a weapon, burglary first, conspiracy, larceny. I got a public defender who said “Please be lenient on my client, as this is their first crime and they are a minor.” I received a 500k bond.

I was in jail for 457 days, and told that I wouldn’t see a courtroom for trial until 2015 at the earliest but that it would most likely be 2020. So 5-10 years of being there. I passed 3 kidney stones while in there and received nothing, I remember when I was taken to a hospital for one the nurse was fighting with the officer with me because he wouldn’t allow them to prescribe me pain meds. This just made me more realize I was worthless.

The minute I said I would take a plea deal I saw my public defender again for the first time since the bond hearing. The judge reduced me down to burglary 2nd, and said all the charges were ridiculous. I was released same day. I was a felon.

I feel guilty for the part I played in making someone feel unsafe to be in their home, but I met with both victims after because they came to my moms (who had cleaned up) and told me they had tried to drop the charges against me, and knew I was used by J. I know that I was a drugged out kid, and I wish I had made different decisions or had better examples to understand how life was supposed to be.

I’ve turned my life around, but I still feel worthless and like I just need to d** so I can have a chance at a normal life.

I don’t want pity. I just needed to let it out. I’ve never said all of this in one place before.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.