I'm so tired

I'm just so tired of everything going wrong, of plans I make with my mom always falling through due to money. I just want to do something fun, I want to forget for a few hours at a festival about how awful everything is and how awful I feel about not having a future. I just want to connect with people like me because I've been isolated since the pandemic, I always feel alone and I can't express my disappointment or frustration at things never going right because I'll sound spoiled.

I'm tired and frustrated, I just want something to go right for once... I just want to have something... Something for myself that makes me happy and makes me feel like I belong. But I obviously can't have that, why should I have something for myself to make me feel better about things.. That I have a community.

Nothings gone right since middle school, at this point I should just expect disappointment because it's what I always get. I'm so tired...