telling my partner of 8 months

Just wanting some insight here and maybe a bit of off my chest…

4 years ago I was raped by a guy I met at my local bar. I was with my best friend and we met two guys who seemed normal, lived in the neighborhood so we went to their place after. Well, my friend was married and left me passed out in the bathroom there. I woke up to one of the guys well…you know.

I haven’t told anyone about this. I didn’t think it bothered me - I continued to go to said bar with my friends and never saw that guy again. Until recently best friend said she ran into this guy again and my anxiety just skyrocketed. I’m anxious about EVERYTHING. I don’t want to go to the neighborhood bar anymore, even though my partner and I used to go regularly, and he’s picked up on it. He thinks I’m hiding something and I guess I am but…idk.

I feel like I need to tell him but the anxiety about telling him is so bad I’ve never wanted to. I also didn’t think it was affecting me (or us) until he kinda freaked out on me last night. We’ve been dating for 8 months and I feel bad I’ve pushed it off so long.

Has anyone else waited to tell their partner? How did it go? I’m really scared he’ll just see me as dirty and spoiled or want to leave until my anxiety dies down.