18f finally moved on // happy after a long long time

(Throw away account as it is kinda personal)

We were together for 1.5 years.he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss.I believed he was the love of my life, i thought I had marry him someday, i used to think he was the one I had grow old with... basically I had imagined my entire life with him..and just like how life doesnt work as per our wish..

This is my sad story...idk I just felt the weird urge to share idk why;; So basically he and I were bestfriends in 10th. I had a crush on him in 9th (but he had a gf).I never approached him pr friends group me as friends baat hoti rehti thi. And used to talk normally to like just as friends padai ki ho gyi kabi games ki. Later since he had a gf mera crush bi chla gya. Ha 9-10th me crush to zarur tha pr esa nai tha ki I want him to be my bf or something. I just found him handsome and cool. Somebody with whom it would be fun to hang around. And later he and his gf brokeup around 10th mid k pehle. Idk but somehow we started talking a lot lot. He was quite the popular kid in my class. And I was the not so popular one. I had friends aswell I wasn't lonely type tho(ab to katayi lonely hu tho). Ha so fast forward approx 2 months after hisbreakup. He confessed to me he likes me, initially I didn't believe like i thought I was dreaming or something..but I didn't feel the same way now so it got awkward..so then he said to me he joking or something..but it got really weird and awkward....I started avoiding him now...later somehow we started talking again and used to play sports together in school. He used to idk hang around me a lot and we just forgot that awkward confession and all.....later I realised shit I like again now...and he also likes me wo wala vibe a gya...to we started talking a lot lot...later boards a gaya and then one day in school he said to me he likes me....I was very shy..and ended up saying I like you at the end of the school...and then we started dating..... initially it was all fun...we joined diff coachings and had dummy school so used to mostly chat/call...... everything went well for an year or so except few incidents which I shouldn't have ignored it was my biggest mistake.....later in December 2024 I was feeling very low and anxious as my coaching (fiitjee had closed) and mera prep bi ache se nai hua tha and felt afraid of failing JEE...I was mentally not feeling well..stopped talking to all my friends....like tbh normally I was someone who used to be like very very happy for no reason apparently but now I was losing interest in life in general...I remember sharing this with him on call..he started laughing and said it's funny....after sometime he apologized and asked me to share but tbh I was very hurt and didn't feel like sharing now with him...so I just kept it inside me....on the other side my grandfather was admitted in hospital...I remember being very afraid of losing him when I saw him in ICU...I lived in joint family and was very close to him....so mentally I was very very fucked up...but still we were talking and had a normal stable relationship just that when he asked 3-4 times to meet at mcd pr something I refused because I just wasn't feeling great due to all these issues.....later in January I lost my grandfather...I still remember that day. the worst day of my life ever. I still get chills and my eyes are filled with tears when I remember that day. When I saw his dead body I was in so much pain that I couldn't even cry....later after that incident i became a very distant person from everyone. The atmosphere in house was like that only. I stopped talking to even my mom and dad much...I just lost interest in life..I still used to talk/call to him but used be a bit boring as he described.... After JEE again my paper didn't go well and i failed miserably (result bi whi aya as ik 96.6 :/). After JEE, One day he asked me if I had someone else in my life? As I wasn't talking to him like before and he felt that I didn't love him or something...ik i wasn't myself in last 2months but I was fucking there for him always...before his jee exam whenever he wanted to talk i was always there even though I was mentally down i always made sure to cheer him up...and now idk why he questioned me...this time idk I was I was just done with him idk why....like in past:

1. I had a guy friend with whom I used to talk but apparently he felt insecure so I stopped talking to him.
2. I was friends with his bsf. And we used to talk randomly nothing else. I even stopped talking to him because he felt insecure.
3. I had active status on on insta so if I'm active and don't reply to his msg in 2-3 mins.i needed to give a full blown explanation about what was I doing..with whom I was talking but later I stopped using insta for JEE so this happened only like 3-4 times so I ignored. He was a great guy. I knew he would have never ever cheated on me. Idk why he always questioned me I just find it idk a bit insulting or something because I have always trustedor something because I have always trusted him. He had female bsf. Some girl in his coaching used to have a crush on him and his female bestie used to tease him in front of me. Still I always trusted him and never questioned him. All I wanted was him to trust me the same way I trusted him. I had always ignored this thing but since I was not doing well mentally already I snapped at him and broke up with him. Idk initially the first 4-5 days were very hard hard..I had the urge to text him and ask how is he doing...I remember crying the entire day on my birthday. But after 6-7 days there was a weird kind of peace kicking in idk why but I just felt liberated and that urge of texting him went away.... Now cut to 5-6 months later I'm doing very good. But ha ab i feel I don't want to get in a relationship soon gotta focus on career make a great have amazing friends go on crazy trips...dating is something I wanna stay away away from for a long long time idk I'm still drained from my past experience ofc I have moved on...

TL;DR : We were together for 1.5 years. He was my first love, first kiss, and the person I thought I’d spend my whole life with. It started as a school friendship, turned into love, and for a while, it felt perfect. But then life got hard. My coaching shut down, my JEE prep wasn’t going well, and I lost my grandfather—someone I loved deeply. I wasn’t okay. I felt low, anxious, and stopped talking to people. When I tried to share this with him, he laughed at first. Even though he said sorry later, it really hurt. He started doubting me, asking if I liked someone else just because I wasn’t talking like before. But I had always been there for him, even when I was struggling. I had cut off guy friends for him because he felt insecure, but he still didn’t trust me. I never questioned him, even when girls liked him or teased him. I just wanted the same trust back. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was already mentally tired, so I broke up with him. It was very painful at first. I cried a lot, especially on my birthday. But after a few days, I started to feel some peace. I felt free. Now, after 5–6 months, I’m doing much better. I’ve moved on, but I don’t want another relationship anytime soon. I just want to focus on my career, make good friends, go on fun trips, and enjoy life. I’m still healing—but I’m okay.