Wishing death feels so stupid

I thought I would want to die when maybe people bullied me enough or people would say youre disgusting you're a creep you're going down. But no, it's because I was denied at love. I really want to cry in public but I can't because I got myself what I call pride. Why can't I get truth from someone? Not even from someone who said they loved me? I'm never the one to know the truth.