How does it feel to be out? I think im missing my youth (21M) and it’s hurting me somewhat.

I'm 21 and I’m gay and shy. I've know I was gay since before I even knew that meant or that was a possibility, I remember being told off as a 5 or 6 year old child in school because I told a boy I had a crush on him and then getting yelled at by my mom. I played sports, I did all the regular stuff as a teen and nobody ever questioned me, I’m not an introvert and I like to think I’m manly. The point is you could never tell because I don’t make it obvious, I dated a girl for a good while and she was amazing but I couldn’t keep it up. I genuinely think about dudes all the time and the experiences I wanna have with them, I don’t and never will like hookups , I wanna fall in love and be happy.

My question to you older people, how does your experience compare? I know for a long time I denied that aspect of me and tried to live normally, but now I haven’t told anyone even though I like to think I accepted myself at least.