Please help - spiritual psychosis

Following a mushroom trip 4 weeks ago, I have developed what appears to be spiritual psychosis. I don't want to go into too much detail into my new "beliefs" as the only way I have learned to manage my existence in what I previously considered reality is by blocking off access to that part of my mind/memories. Every single time I have ventured into that area of my thoughts/mind I feel extreme panic and fear and am convinced that I will "die". I feel it. Even writing this message is difficult.

Beliefs: In short, the world is a manifestation of (my) consciousness, and it exists because I believe in it. (I am a madeup character in a novel, say, but there is nothing outside the story; the dream/story is all that there is. See the movie Stay 2005 with some idea like this). Awakening I was led to believe was a connection with others and the world, feeling more alive and positive emotions; but in my case none of that has happened. Awakening is death, as realizing that you are nothing more that a "thought", thereby redefining what is meant by "real" and "truth", destroys the world. My world (and presumably your world - a lot of my experience suggests solipsism) can only exist in ignorance. Hence my attempt to remain alive is by trying to refute/contain my mind from this "awakening". When I go explore these thoughts, my whole sense of existence crumbles, reality never was and the consciousness decreases to manifest and everything ends. Everything I have read on this sub now makes sense (the world is a reflection of the self, there is only the now, we are consciousness manifest, etc).

I am NOT here to discuss whether what I experienced is "truth" - none of you can convince me of it as you are all part of the system (as I am). What I would like is suggestions on how to deal with a general case of spiritual psychosis. Give me hope that what I experienced is false or that there is more... Or even personal experiences on getting through it. Right now it utterly feels/seems like I have had an epiphany, but a bad one for what we know of my/our world continuing. Everyday I seem to be "trying" to re-enter the matrix and forget (like seipher in the movie) and it's ridiculous on so many fronts... And this is notwithstanding my previous mental health issues of disconnection (schizoid) and depersonalization (lacking a proper "self"). This might sound silly, but I don't want this awakening. I want to survive. The truth seems too terrible to bear.

I have gone to the ER at my mental health facility but they only prescribed me Risperidone (I was waking up in the middle of the might unable to ground myself and in panic); my next appointment is in early september which seems forever away as everyday is a mental exhaustion and a fight for survival. Previous to the mushroom trip, I was a depersonalized schizoid, living in emptiness and anhedonia and emotional numbness; that is all still the case, only now the thoughts on reality and awakening flood my constant every waking moment filling the emptiness.