I'm Gonna Be Honest For A Second (poem)

Where do I even start?

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My brain is numb, my thoughts are spiked

Every step I take isn't mine

Every word I speak is just a lie

I try, I try, I fucking try

--

Lying on the ground and pretend it's a throne

Waiting to be found; still, I'm found alone

Why should I wear a crown if it's never shown

Thought it was a diamond, not a painted stone

--

I don't even cope, just suffer more

And the blood's not on a canvas, just on the floor

Instead of staring at the stars, I'm waiting at the door

For someone to come open it, but my luck's been poor

--

It's pathetic, the way when someone shows the slightest care

I get excited, as if kindness is rare

People say it's all over, so I'm asking where

And if somebody has it, would you have some to spare?

--

Look, I know I joke a lot

I'm chaotic, impulsive, speak without a thought

But I'm getting tired of laughing at gunshots

And I wish I could ask you to be more genuine, but my bravery is lost

--

Humor is to cope? No, humor is to hide

Humor is the one thing that tortures me inside

But it's like a metal pole to which I'm tied

And I wish I could call for help, but I can't even cry

--

So every giggle just seems more and more strained

And every meme I send is posted next to pain

And with every joke you make, my joy seems to drain

And my efforts to be real have all ended in vain

--

My eyes are heavy, but not as much as my guilt

It's too late to go back now, there's a kingdom I built

That is, if a kingdom's the same as a garden that just wilts

With nectar meant for the bees that has all just spilt

--

Yeah, sure, I've said I'm alright

I've also said that the sun isn't bright

Those two phrases have something in common, they're both not right

I speak in deceit, not a truth in sight

--

And I'm probably the problem, the reason for my grief

I know I'm weak, fragile as a leaf

My peace has been stolen, and I'm the theif

But all I've ever wanted was a small relief

--

Why am I writing this in a poem instead of just telling you?

I'm afraid of your reaction, scared to mess up your view

And maybe, if the message rhymes, you wont have a clue

That it's a cry for help, a sign I'm through

--

I'm through.