Having a child while NC w/abusive racist parents

I’m posting for the first time here because I could really use support and advice from people who’ve been through similar things. I’m about to become a parent for the first time, and while it’s something I’m so excited for, it’s also bringing up a lot of complicated emotions around my own upbringing.

I’ve been no contact with my parents for several years now as they were abusive growing up (emotionally, physically, and psychologically) and on top of that, they’re open white supremacists (former skinheads) with hateful ideologies. I’m married now (without telling them as they are no part of my life right now), and my partner is Mexican. Our child will be mixed-race, and the thought of my parents ever being near them makes me sick with fear and rage. I don’t want that hate or abuse anywhere near our child, and neither does my partner.

Right now, they don’t know anything: they don’t know we got married, they don’t know we’re expecting, and they don’t know where we live. We moved and changed everything with no forwarding address, changed phone numbers, locked everything down. We even decided to keep this pregnancy and our marriage a complete secret from everyone in my family, including a grandparent I’m close with. It feels necessary, but it’s also lonely and exhausting.

My brother is the only person from my family I still talk to. He’s eight years younger and didn’t move out until later, so he had to endure a lot too. We have bonded a lot but only see each other every few months, I’ve tried to be a protective figure for him.

That said, he’s still in contact with our parents. He’s still on their insurance and financially tied to them in ways that I never was once I left. I haven’t told him anything about the baby or the marriage, mostly out of fear. I don’t fully trust that it wouldn’t slip, even by accident, or that it would place burden on him for keeping a secret.

Recently, he brought up that my mom had been “stalking the internet” and thinks we might be married. I panicked and downplayed it, and now I feel like I’m lying to him. But I don’t know how to navigate that without putting my safety and my child’s safety at risk.

I’ve considered getting an order of protection, but so far, they haven’t made a move. That said, they have a history of crossing serious boundaries: breaking into my old apartment while I was gone, showing up unannounced, calling the cops on me multiple times to try and control or intimidate me. I’m scared they’ll escalate again, especially if they catch wind of the baby. But the idea of having to see them in court and to relive any of it makes me feel sick. I don’t know if I have the strength to do it unless I absolutely have to.

How do you keep your kids safe in situations like this? How do you handle secrecy, especially when it means distancing yourself from even the “less harmful” or kind family members? Have any of you gone through this as new parents? I want to raise this child with love, safety, and honesty. But I feel like I’m living in a bunker and waiting for something to send this safety I’ve created spiraling. Any advice (emotional, practical, legal?) would be so appreciated. I just want to protect my family and not live in fear anymore.

Thank you so much in advance for any suggestions!