My "best friend" of almost 2 decades emotionally imploded when he realized that I wasn't going to be his 'partner', ever

In spite of me telling him this.

In spite of all the promises that the lack of real chemistry was not an issue.

I was there for him, as much as I possibly can show up for a person. I made a choice to pursue my heart for the first time in 7 years- after recognizing my ex husband & father of my child still had it, despite all my efforts to gaslight myself into believing I was "over" him.

My best friend thinks (from my POV) that I should just have the margins for his hurt feelings. Except he (bff) has WAY more friends & confidantes, 2 separate therapists, I feel like if he really cares about me the way he's proclaimed SEVERAL times, he would process his hurt feelings with anyone else & be happy for me. Like I've been for him, even in the shitiest relationships. I can't imagine wanting him to anguish for year after year, because it might affect the access I have to him. Leaving me in an impossible scenario of choosing continuing to keep my heart broken so that we can stay friends, & honor his broken heart more...

The further away I'm getting from the situation- the increased disingenuous visits to places & people who I introduced him to, so I have to see him & notice him, the shitty, passive aggressive Vaguebook posts, the alternate sudden reappearance of people that mistreated me in his life- sometimes I wonder if I've ever actually known true, reciprocal friendship. I thought I had a real one. But he's being petty. He is either intentionally or subconsciously trying to as hurtful as he subtly can be.

All I "did" to him was reject his advances (which were incessant & uncomfortable) and finally choose to give my heart a real fighting chance at being happy. It feels incredibly fucked up that I should have to lose one for the other...

I don't feel like I should have to choose. This feels incredibly selfish & unfair and like maybe it's good to severe this connection, but I'm still really sad & getting VERY angry at the ingratiating himself with MY friends & stupid passive aggressive bullshit. Makes me wanna go nuclear reactor. If it weren't for the investment into his well-being, I would. It's never too late if the button pushing doesn't stop.

I need to stop letting people get so close.