How do you deal with f@g hags?

I’m reaching out with something I’ve been struggling to articulate for a while. In gay male spaces, especially within relationships, I’ve found it difficult to navigate the presence of certain women who seem to take up a lot of space, emotionally, socially, and even physically. This isn’t about disliking women, or denying their place in queer history and culture, but rather about protecting the sanctity and balance of male friendships and chosen family that don’t revolve around a feminine anchor.

There’s a real need for enduring male friendships—spaces where gay men can connect, challenge, support, and grow with one another without the dynamic being redirected or overshadowed by someone trying to “mother” or manage the group. And honestly, I’m still learning how to set those boundaries gracefully.

This past weekend, my partner’s close female friend joined one of our gatherings, and things spiraled. She took control of every decision, every moment. I tried to stay composed, but inside, I was losing it. I’ve had past relationships strained by this same pattern, where a well-meaning but overbearing woman inserts herself into gay male spaces and the emotional equilibrium just… shifts. It’s not about exclusion,it’s about self preservation and emotional clarity.

So I’m asking: is there a way to kindly but firmly carve out space for gay male intimacy and community? How do you set those boundaries without alienating your partner or becoming the “bad guy”? I’m tired of pretending I’m okay with it when I’m not, and I need to find a way forward that’s honest, respectful, and protective of my peace.

Side note, I may already be the “bad guy” but I’ve yet to reap what I’ve sown.