How do you survive gender envy?

Summer is hard. I see all these beautiful cis women in their cute oufits, little dresses, turning heads without even trying. And I just shrink inside. I think about my height, my shoulders, the way I still don’t fit into the version of womanhood I wish I could live. And yeah, I envy them. So deeply. I want that ease. That soft visibility. I have to fight to even start with HRT. I want to start just to get a chance. I just want to feel like I exist in the same world.... Do you feel the same and what to do about it?