Why do I still want her?

For some reason I miss her and I'm not sure why? You see, my ex had me arrested and she accused me of all sorts of horrible things. I spent the night in jail, and now have a protection order in place. For the past month I have slept in hotels, my car, my office. She continues to spread her lies saying that I was abusive, that she's lucky to have survived my abusive ways. I've never laid a hand on her, but she has physically hurt me. She was extremely curly to me throughout our relationship, but when I said enough, I broke up with her, and that's when she did all of this. I've lost everything, my kid, my dog, my family, my belongings, and I still have to deal with the legal piece of this. I can't afford a criminal defense attorney to defend myself, but I still make too much to qualify for a public defender. I have mountains of evidence to prove my case, but the DA refuses to look at any of it. If I get convicted of domestic violence, I lose my job too. And after all this bullshit, I still want / miss her. What is wrong with me???