Always tolerated never wanted

Seems to be a recurring theme in my life. It’s kind of funny once you get past the fact that your existence is merely tolerated at the most. No matter how much effort you’re willing to put in it doesn’t change much because at the end of the day you’re not their first choice. Ever. Sucks but then again that’s life for most of us.

There always ALWAYS seems to be someone better which is a given no? Millions of people out there so you’ll never be “perfect” but it would be nice if for once I could be somewhat “enough” I’d like to know what that feeling is like. I don’t want to be tolerated. I wanted to be wanted simply so I could confidently say yeah once upon a time I was wanted. No it didn’t workout but god I wanted for once.