TW: Drugs, cutting and boredom

TW . . . . . . . I’m really struggling with boredom and loneliness sooo badly!!! All I can think about is wanting to cut and use stimulants. Why is boredom so hard to deal with when you have BPD? I have family around me all day and yet I still feel this aching loneliness. I want someone to take care of me and love me but I want to get jacked up at the same time. Im using my skills and riding the wave and breathing but I don’t want to stop thinking about it. I know it’s sooo STUPID! I just have these stupid urges that I wish would just go away. Sorry if I pissed anyone off. I just needed to get it out