Am I the Asshole for Divorcing My Husband After Finding Videos of Him Cheating When I Was 8 Weeks Postpartum?

Hi, I really, really need advice. I am so lost and broken. My mental health is terrible. I feel trapped in a nightmare that keeps getting worse.

I (27F) married my husband (32M) in November 2023. We were together for 5 years, engaged for 2. He was with me through my dad’s terminal cancer, supported me through my dad’s death, and was there for so many painful moments. He even flew in on Christmas to propose while I was taking care of my dying dad. My family loved him. My friends loved him. I genuinely thought I knew him.

We got pregnant one month before the wedding. It was planned—it just happened sooner than expected. Before I got pregnant, he took a job in Mexico. We agreed he’d work there and fly home every 6 weeks. I wanted to go with him, but my company wouldn’t let me work internationally. So he got an apartment there, and I stayed home, pregnant and alone.

And then I found out the truth.

Eight weeks postpartum, I found photos and videos of him fucking another woman on his phone. She was a 22-year-old cleaning lady from an impoverished village who had to bus into the city. He took advantage of her. Took her on vacations. Got a matching tattoo with her. Told her he wanted to build a life with her.

But it gets worse.

He also cheated on me while my dad was dying—with another woman I personally knew. He made me go on a double date with her and her boyfriend. She followed my private close friends Instagram stories. Complimented my clothes. Suggested wine nights. Watched me grieve my dad—all while sleeping with my boyfriend.

And she later accused him of sexually assaulting her. She said there were times she consented, but there were times he touched her without her consent.

And sadly, I can relate.

While my dad was dying and I was living out of state to care for him, I wasn’t emotionally able to be intimate. But he pushed anyway. I cried during sex. Eventually it stopped—but the fact that it happened at all broke me.

And he has a pattern. — His high school girlfriend, Bobby, lost her virginity to him, but apparently he’d already lost his to someone else and lied to her. He cheated on her repeatedly. — Another ex also had a sexual assault situation with him (I don’t know the full story).

And the cruelty didn’t stop there: — On the day I gave birth (vaginal birth), he was texting his mistress from the hospital hallway, wearing a “Trophy Husband” shirt. — One month after watching me give birth, he flew back to Mexico to “close out the project” and spent five days fucking his mistress while I was home alone with our newborn. — Two days after I got home from the hospital, bleeding and healing, he pressured me to get on my knees in the kitchen and give him a blowjob—knowing he was actively cheating and exposing me and our newborn to an STD. — On a double date, while I stepped away from the table, he asked the couple how the immigration process from Mexico worked, clearly planning to bring his mistress to the U.S.

And while all this was happening, his own dad was dying of cancer. Instead of coming home to help or be with his family, he stayed in Mexico and kept cheating. His dad died in February 2025.

Financially? It was betrayal too. I spent $70,000 from my dad’s inheritance on our wedding, and he let me—knowing he had already cheated on me. I also paid off his credit card debt, and he let me, knowing he was already betraying me.

And the worst part of all of this is how I found out. I had to uncover every single detail myself.

He never came clean on his own. He has been trickle-truthing me since September 7th, 2024. He lied about everything. I went through his phone, his emails, translated texts, phone records—because he refused to tell me the truth. He sat in therapy with me, lying to my face, letting me pay thousands of dollars to try to fix a marriage while still hiding the truth. Every single truth I found, I had to drag out of him after proving it first.

There was no honesty. Just gaslighting, lying, trauma, and me being forced to investigate like a detective in my own marriage while caring for a newborn.

He has been addicted to weed since he was 12 and can’t quit. Now he’s on medication and in therapy, finally trying to “fix” himself.

To his credit, he hasn’t run away since I found out. He’s doing therapy. He’s been a great dad to our almost one-year-old.

But I don’t love him anymore. I don’t trust him. I don’t respect him.

I gave him my youth, my loyalty, my life. I met him at 21 and gave him the best years of my life. He watched me break down losing my dad—and instead of protecting me, he destroyed me further.

And the part of him that is capable of this kind of harm? I believe it will always be there.

I want to leave because I deserve peace. I deserve respect. Not just love—respect.

But I feel trapped. I don’t want to break up my child’s family. I don’t want to make a rash decision out of anger. But I also can’t keep wasting my life on someone capable of hurting me this way.

So, am I the asshole for leaving now that he’s finally “trying”? Or am I right to believe that some things can’t be fixed?

Please, please give me your honest thoughts. I just need clarity.