Husband believes in snap-back culture

I feel worse about myself 9 months pp than I ever have. I’m in therapy but for some reason everything has suddenly taken a real nosedive emotionally this last month or so.

I’ve worked out a handful of times and am struggling to be consistent. Part of it is excuses like finding time, energy, a babysitter, the weather…

But a big other part of it is hating my body so much right now that working out brings me to tears because it feels like a punishment for being “fat,” and instead of being proud of my body and for finding movement, I feel shame.

I knew before I got pregnant that my husband has a history of porn addiction and fat-phobia. But it’s really getting to me now, and I don’t want to be vulnerable around him. I resent him for looking at other women even though “it’s a response to stress and has nothing to do with his attraction to me.” He sends me videos of hot moms and claims he understands that’s not the norm to look amazing right away but I worry he thinks less of me because I’m still overweight.

How do you start working out from a place of love for yourself, and not loathing?

And how do you battle being hungry all the damn time?!

If weight came off easier for you once you stopped breastfeeding, I’d love to hear anything that gives me hope that my body will respond better to weight loss attempts in the future too! I wish future me could visit me now and reassure me it’ll be okay.