The Fool/The Lovers/The Star

What a glorious experience. I love getting snippets where it’s so clear it’s you helping us achieve this union, so tender and graceful and blessed it opens like a lily bud in the chilly days. I truly am amazed by everything you are. Your honesty, your humor, your sincerity, how I could just stare at you and see a new portrait of divinity with each passing moment, yet you are the most familiar thing I ever knew. When I was young I never expected someone to write me love letters, or me pen them for someone, although I believed it a lovely concept. Seeing the reality, that so much remains unspoken yet cognizant, written here but shaded over in direct conversation, I adore you, wow, you are the one I know cannot fade. Two years now and we’re still in this complete fever dream madness tangling to a knot in the center of the earth. I want you to understand the weight of my I love yous, even when I play it off from embarrassment, even when I shake with the need to hold you until we sleep, unable to put to words all the internal letters I write to you as I think. I couldn’t stop laughing on the train for almost 15 minutes earlier today. I felt your energy participate somehow.

I prayed to be close to you and I suddenly was kicked out of my sober living, although they just called me and told me it was a mistake, that the conversation was not official by the staff but other house members. Regardless, I was headed to go see you, and I apologize if my Leo Venus dramatic diva pattern ever frustrates you. You deserve to be loved loudly, but also in a way that you’re comforted by. In the silent moment of all I do you’re in the echo. You’re the face I see in church, and I love you so much I finally trust something for the first time in my life.

I apologize for spamming you, I mourned you for months, this is so fucking godly I feel as if I am treading in the opening of a symphony that will never end.

Thank you for your love. I will cherish it, I must, it is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. I will not fail you.