I feel like a loser RIGHT NOW

I’m having a mental breakdown today. I just found out my ex is having a baby, and even someone I used to casually hook up with is also having a baby. Meanwhile, my most recent ex-hookup still isn’t over his ex. I feel completely stuck and envious.

I wish I could be in that same place this summer — living life with a partner, maybe even having a baby of my own. But that’s not my reality, and it hurts deeply. I feel miserable and overwhelmed.

I’m doing everything I can to build a strong future. I’m running a business, finishing my third diploma, and I’m committed to my school committee. I’m proud of that. But none of that fills the emotional void. I just want to find love.

What hurts even more is how unfair it feels. Some of the men I’ve been involved with — men who ghosted me, cheated on me, or treated me like I didn’t matter — somehow get to move on and find love, start families, and live the life I’ve been dreaming of. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m the one who’s left behind.

And honestly… I feel ashamed sometimes. I gave parts of myself — emotionally, intimately — to people who never truly saw me or valued me. And now they’re out there finding love and starting families like it’s nothing. Meanwhile, I’m still healing from what they left behind.

With my most recent ex-hookup, we’re still matched on Hinge, but haven’t spoken in three months. I don’t plan to reach out. I walked away because he wasn’t sure about what he wanted and was clearly still attached to his ex. In another life, maybe things could’ve been different — I did want to know him better. But I know I made the right choice by stepping away.

I’m not desperate for the past. I just want to meet the right person. Someone emotionally mature and available. It’s just hard watching people who treated me like a placeholder end up getting the very thing I’m still longing for.