i'm depressed today

i hate that i have to deal with my brain attacking me for any thought i have during this time. i'm tired and i just want to cry, but i want to feel better too. but i feel like i don't deserve it and i've screwed things up too much. idk why i live feeling like i have to be "good" all the time to be worthy of anything but it sucks. i try to be nice to myself but it's so hard when your brain instantly comes up with a counterattack for any positivity i might feel. even just comfort. yeah. whatever