disowned after coming out to my desi parents.

i went to visit my parents this weekend because my mom wanted me to come home. i didn’t really want to, but i felt guilty and thought it would make her feel better. after dinner, i told her that i have gender dysphoria. her immediate response was to start scrambling for “solutions.” she said i needed to take testosterone, see a psychologist or psychiatrist, maybe an endocrinologist. she kept insisting testosterone would fix me. i told her that my testosterone levels are normal, and adding more would just make me feel worse. i told her that people who don’t get treatment for dysphoria often end up struggling with depression, self-harm, or suicide. she didn’t care. she said if i transition ill feel even more dysphoric. she brought up something from the past about my uncle saying i was probably gay, because i said gay people should be treated equally as we do. they cut him off for saying that. but then she told me, “your uncle was right.” she started pushing this idea that i’m gay. kept repeating it. she called it bisexuality. she said if i took estrogen, i’d become “something in between a man and a woman.” i told her i’ve already tried to pray this away, tried behavioral techniques, tried everything. nothing worked. this is who i am. she asked me to promise her I wouldn’t transition. i told her i couldn’t make that promise, because i wouldn’t lie. she started saying that me doing this is a punishment to them. that if i go through with it, she and my dad would kill themselves. she said being trans is a form of suicide. she asked me if i “want to be a transgender.” i said something like “yeah, sort of.” then she started yelling at me to get out. she told me to get the fuck out of her house. “you’re not my child anymore.” she physically pushed me out the door. my dad walked me to the train station. on the way there, he told me that if i’m trans, they’re cutting me off completely. i asked if his culture and religion were more important than me being his child. he said they couldn’t have a gay son. my mom told me she had booked tickets to Michigan to see my relatives next month, but she’s going to cancel them because she “can’t show her face anymore.” she said things like “i hope i die tonight” and “why didn’t i die yesterday”

anyways im back at my dorm rn i don’t know what to do anymore im utterly fucked