What the f*** have I done with my life?

I dunno I’m 29 years old male I’m almost in $4000 in debt that I’ve created from being with two different phone companies and taking payday loans. I work at a warehouse that pays me 21.50 in hour and asking my co worker for money which he charges me interest and now I owe him money sometimes I ask myself why the fuck am I here every single day especially when I have autism it’s kinda hard for me to type this out because it breaks my heart I didn’t ask to be here all I ever wanted was to just have a normal life I’m a pathetic fuckin loser who’s has lied to himself about promises I even feel guilty by the time I get home from work I can’t even talk to my parents about it. I am really the biggest fuck up that I’ve ever created