To S

(Writing these letters are my way of letting go and processing my emotions. Sorry if it's annoying I have no one else to talk to about it :/)

I miss you as my best friend but I understand it now.

Sometimes I feel like you're also hurting but at the same time I feel like you don't care. At the end of the day it was always going to be you who left. You didn't have to block me btw...you told me this was it and I was going to leave you alone.

I learned a new joke and my first thought was to tell you but you don't want me in your life anymore... I miss you silly boy but we're just strangers on the internet now and as much as I miss and want you in my life I don't want to keep feeling like I'm only enough to be a secret.

I don't know what hurts more, knowing that you would only talk to me in secret or being told that you regret leaving me in the first place only to do it again...

I don't think I can forgive you this time.