I regret not getting back with my ex. 3 months NC so far

Where to start? We got together in summer of 2016 and near instantly fell in love. I was getting my degree and he was between jobs, that turned into not having a job for a while and me supporting him financially. We didn’t go out or do anything, the most we did together was buying groceries and going walks.

Then his gaming addiction got worse. He stayed up all night playing it, and I started a new job that paid fairly well so I could still support him. We didn’t do much together but I pretty much moved in with him, we were always around each other but he was in a bad headspace for quite some time and I ended up falling into one too.

I loved this man so deeply, so unconditionally and I was in so deep. He had anger issues which surfaced at times and this always brought a wave of mental pain, followed by an apology afterwards. He’d blame me for making him angry, even if it was the simplest “can we go buy groceries?”, because he didn’t want to get off his game. Gaming was the priority, not me, and the only time we spent together were rare nights he wasn’t online with his friends or between games.

We moved out together 2021 and it all started off so well. We dedicated time to ourselves and to each other, but still, we never did much else. When I say we never did anything, I mean he wouldn’t want to leave our house to even go see a movie or go a walk - everything revolved around gaming. Looking back I know he had an addiction, but with it came a lot of haste because he didn’t want to go out and live life with me. He just wanted to sit and stare at a screen, but that wasn’t my ideal.

I ended things in 2022 and took time to myself, all the while we still had to live together because he couldn’t afford to live himself and I wouldn’t want him going homeless, and I was still studying and couldn’t dedicate as much time as I wanted to to finding a new place.

He begged and pleaded for me back, told me he would change but I never saw that change happen. Fast forward to 2023, he gets a new girlfriend right before I move out and tells me to get out of “his f-cking house”. He breaks up with her the next February and comes crawling back into my texts seeking comfort

I speak to him and he tells me he still wants me, he wants to try again. This goes on until February 2025, when he gets a new girlfriend who he’s still with and recently went public with on social media. He texts me in April this year telling me it would be ‘in both our best interests if we go our separate ways’

This last text confused me. He wanted to be friends up until one random day, even though he said his girlfriend is also still talking to her ex and they’re friends.

The worst part of all of this for me is, I still love him. I wished for and dreamed about us building a life together, getting married, having a child of our own but I couldn’t let myself get into that situation again. I regret not giving him another chance and I think I’m thinking of it all now because he’s in a relationship and happy and I’m always thinking of him. I won’t reach out and I won’t spoil anything because he looks happy with his new girlfriend and I respect that.

Peanut/cheeb, if you’re reading this, know that your beeb will always love you so much and I’m sorry I never gave us another chance, but I’m happy you’re happy now.