My husband(30M) tried to unalive himself and I(33F) am so confused on how to feel.

Hi 👋 my husband tried to OD on his benzos recently. I was home with him when he did it. He was acting strange the entire day and spent a night in the ER. He survived. This was the first time he had done anything like this.

He opted for a voluntary submission to a psych ward and went in this morning (Sunday- 10 days since the incident). It took a while to get admitted as they didn't have beds available.

Here's where I need help... I have rather terrible depression and anxiety but I keep myself medicated and generally controlled. My husband has bipolar disorder and I don't believe I'd ever fully comprehend what he deals with every day.

I can't help but feel sad, angry, frustrated, betrayed and alone.

I know this isn't about me... it's about him and getting him better. I just feel betrayed like why does he want to leave me alone to face this world? He is my world. I'd be so lost without him. I have a cold and I've held in my tears all week awaiting his submission but I feel like I'm speeding on a highway with no brakes.

I often feel like I lack empathy and approach things almost mathematically. I grew up with a drug addicted parent that was part of a local gang and learned to really consume problems through solution finding. I've been homeless as a teenager, I've done questionable things to survive and get to where I am and sometimes I forget that not everyone does that. I'm doing my best to ensure I'm giving him grace but part of me struggles with the concept of halting operations for emotions. (I sound like a monster but I'm really not... I promise. I'm trying my best)

I'm not equipped to answer his questions (im not a professional). All I have been doing is reassuring him that I am here to support him and letting him know that he's in a safe space and that I'm his support and not mad at him (he feels that I may hate him now because of what happened but that would never be the case)

My question: How do I go forward with him? I'll be scared going forward to ever leave him alone again. I'll be scared to talk to him about tough discussions in case it triggers him. Any advice?