[600] Wendy and Greg

[critique]

I'M SAYING I think Greg is fucking my girlfriend, and you think he what? Can teleport? From one place to another.

They. They can teleport, yes. And shape-shift. 

Greg, a dude I've known since we were kids, changes shape and goes by they/them pronouns now.

Well, no. I mean sure. Not really. I'm saying Greg is Greg but also Wendy, your girlfriend. Is what I mean by he's a shape-shifting time traveler. 

Right. 

And Wendy happens to be a woman. 

I’m glad we agree there.

So, it follows, since Wendy is a woman and also Greg, that I call them them. Since they're two people, sort of. Since it presents as two people. They do. The two of them. Since they're one creature.

Our Greg identifies as my Wendy, sometimes.

Greg doesn't identify as Wendy, he is Wendy. Was Wendy. Just as Wendy is Greg.

How long has the shape-shifting creature I know to be Greg been impersonating my girlfriend, then? 

I just told you it's not an impersonation. It's an invention, if anything. But I mean there's never been any other Wendy than the Wendy you know.

So Wendy doesn't exist, therefore. Never existed, you're saying. 

I wouldn't say that. She’s just also Greg.

If Wendy and Greg are the same impersonating thing, then how have I seen them in the same room. We've all spent time together.

Right. 

That was a question. How even can a shape shifting Greg take the form of two people at the same time?

It can't. I mean it can, but not at once. Not as far as it's concerned, you understand?

I do not, actually.

Like it’s two people, but not two people simultaneously, if that's what you’re asking. It's just that it's shown up twice at any given time it sees itself.

So that night when Greg showed up to talk with Wendy privately—the night I got suspicious about them in the first place…

Right. Yes, they were the same thing at different points in its life.

Its life.

The creature we are discussing. The Wendy Greg time-travelling creature.

Was talking to itself. Privately. I mean why bother?

Not sure. To plot things? To discuss its plot? To make adjustments maybe.

With itself. How is that even necessary?

Were you to run into yourself fifty years later you wouldn't have any questions to ask?

It wasn't fifty years later. It was last Saturday.

Listen to me, this creature is ageless. It's outside of time. For all we know three hundred years went by between it showing up to a party as one or the other. They could be strangers to themselves.

Then where are the real Greg and Wendy?

The fuck. Are you even listening?

So all along I've been dating Greg, a manifestation of a shape shifting alien, but with tits on.

If it helps you should think of it the other way around: you’ve been hanging out with Wendy the whole time.

Does this explain her mood swings? Flipping back and forth all the time?

Well, for all we know it took Greg four hundred years to turn into Wendy.

Or how Greg suddenly had a twin brother that time?

To help himself move into his apartment. Those two Gregs were an hour apart, I bet.

Half the time Wendy doesn't even like Greg.

Right. It’s a complex creature we're dealing with, here.

So they’re not fucking, after all.

I mean I didn’t say that.