I hate my husband

My life with him is so much worse than it was before I met him. He had very extreme emotional dysregulation when we first got married to the point it caused me trauma. At that point I didn’t even know I had a choice to leave. We now have 2 kids and I have not worked in 10 years because I have raised and homeschooled kids.

We have tried couples therapy with about 5 therapists over many years. Everything is a conflict with him. He grew up enmeshed/codependent with his mom. Slowly but surely he has controlled me to the point I have zero confidence. I just think this is how I’m going yo die, miserable.

I do therapy and my therapist tells me there is no hope, that I won’t be happy unless I leave. He is so extreme, the last time I tried to leave he stood in front of my car and told people I tried to hit him. It’s like I don’t even know how to leave.

I feel like I am living in constant stress and survival mode. I said something yesterday about our daughter, who also has anxiety, that “it all falls on me”(which is true, but I was also just feeling frustrated and exhausted) and he turned it into a fight because I was saying he doesn’t do anything. I’m so tired. But something in me is afraid to leave…that’s all I can conclude..and I think it’s fear I will be poor and have to live on the streets. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for but to vent.