Discerning if someone could be your spouse — what did you ask, notice, or look for?

Hey y’all. This isn’t really a relationship advice post — more of a discernment one. I (f, mid-20s) met a Christian guy through an online cultural org a few months ago. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, I’m finally flying out to meet him in person this weekend.

We’ve been intentional about keeping our convos Christ-centered, and I’m excited — not just to meet him, but to observe the stuff you don’t pick up through FaceTime or texts. I’ll be staying in his family’s home (in the guest room), and I’m really praying I use this time wisely. I want to see how he spends time with the Lord, how he speaks, how he treats people, and how (or if) he leads spiritually.

I’m not showing up with rose-colored glasses, but I’m also not trying to be critical. I just want to be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit reveals.

So my question is: What questions did y’all ask — or wish you asked — when discerning if someone could be your spouse? Or even more importantly, what things did you notice in person that helped you decide?

I really value the wisdom and Scripture this sub shares. So if anything comes to mind — verses, advice, questions, red flags, green flags — I’m all ears.

Some context: He believes in God and grew up Catholic. I grew up Methodist and now lean non-denominational. I don’t mind denominational differences if the foundation is Christ, but I’m realizing I do care deeply about how someone sees the Word, lives it, and lets it correct them. That’s something I can’t fully gauge from a few convos or even a weekend.

One of my fears is that while he believes, he might not be walking as on-fire or surrendered as I try to be. I’d love to see him initiate prayer or want to read the Word together — not just go to church on Sunday and call it good.

I know dating isn’t in the Bible the way we do it today, and culturally it still isn’t the thing for some of us. But I know what Scripture says about being equally yoked, purity, and honoring God in relationships — and I want to walk in that. I’m just trying to be discerning without getting too emotionally ahead of myself. Guarding your heart while learning someone deeply is hard!

Any thoughts, questions to ask, or signs to look for are welcome 🙏🏾