Im so tired.

Im 26 M, and have been struggling with depression for a long while now. Since it always hits me in waves, I haven’t really made an effort to look for help, since I always “get better on my own”.

But now my arms are covered in self harm scars, last month I got fired due to my arms, and I have no one I can’t talk to about anything I’m going through.

I live alone, with my parents being back in my home country, while I’m on the other side of the world. I can’t talk about this with them. It would kill them.

The few people I had here who i could call friends are gone. I found out one of them was always gossiping about everything I said, to the people from my old job. Another friend stopped talking to me after I proved to be “too much to handle”, I think.

Ive stopped going out, stopped looking for a job, and am barely eating. I used to think about suicide with fear and uncertainty. But now, I’m just apathetic. I probably won’t last much longer.

I get why people leave me. It must be frustrating. To try and help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

It’s better this way.