The fat never redistributed

I’ve been on T for eight years, and the fat on my body never redistributed. In fact, I’ve only gotten more curvy over the past few years. I blame it on weight gain after recovering from a serious eating disorder.

When I was underweight, I was somewhat happy with my body. I felt that my thighs, butt, and hips were large, but not huge. Now, my thighs are huge, as well as my butt, and my stomach is bulging. I don’t know if it’s fat or if I’m just bloated all the time.

Additionally, I’ve gained a lot of fat in my chest area, even though I’ve had two top surgeries. This isn’t “just body dysmorphia” distorting my view — these are actual changes. My clothes don’t fit me the way they used to, and I think I need to buy new ones.

I kinda wish I could’ve uploaded images here of how I look, but I’m too ashamed of my body to do so. All I want to do is lose weight again, but my metabolism is still extremely slow. Restricting my food now would only make things worse.

Why do I feel like most trans guys are really skinny with no curves? It makes me feel really alone — having a feminine body but a masculine face.