My ADHD makes me look like an idiot

I just got out of a meeting with my boss and two colleagues where we plan to move the entire building. Every time I have a meeting with her, I feel like I wanna cry. “Did you plan this?, did you plan that? Where is that thing? You documented it? Do you remember? I already said that two months ago”. No ffs I don’t remember. Not because I don’t care or I don’t listen, I just don’t. I don’t know what to answer in such situations and look so disorganized which is why she sometimes talks to me like I am an idiot (or it’s in my head? Because my freaking ADHD is linked to RSD and remuneration). I try to write down everything really, but even then I forget something. Last night, I sent an email at 11pm because my coworker asked for some documents at 1 pm the same day.

I have also the difficulty of not being able to listen in meetings without doing something. Last time I was in my boss’s office, I had million things in my mind I had to clear so I wrote emails. She told me “please work later it has no meaning for you to be here if you’re doing something else.” Yeah I know, but that’s how my brain works. I can’t even listen to people without thinking of other stuff.

My brain exhausts me. I feel drained and want to cry. I don’t think I am made for this job, I feel like an imposter who represented himself like another person when I applied for it. I even think they talk behind my back about how bad I am in what I do. They probably think how I have made it so far. Thank you for listening.