My boyfriend (29M) won't make decisions. Does it sound like he doesn't care? (29F)
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Him making decisions is something that has been a problem throughout our entire relationship. He doesn't make decisions at all, and relies on me to make them. When I asked him before why this is, he says he really doesn't care about the outcome and wants me to decide because then i'll be happy. But that just makes me feel like everything he does is to cater to me and isn't something that he wants to do. This frustrates me because I want my partner to be interested in what we are doing together.
For example, yesterday I was looking at apartments for us to rent which he doesn't take initiative in any of the process because he tells me he doesn't care where we live or what conditions we live in, that I have higher standards and so I should be the one to decide. Which makes sense, but he could at least act a little bit interested in process.
Anyway, the apartments are 1 hour away from where we live now and so I had to drive out there while he was at work. The apartment looked perfect online and I had been waiting a week for the agent to be ready to show it to me. But the showing went really badly and the place turned out not to be for us. So I waited around the area, looking at different places on my phone because since I was already out that way I thought I could view more apartments. But then my boyfriend mentioned having to go to his parent's house which was about 20 mins from where I was. So I asked him if he'd like to meet me since he was going to be in the area and I thought he might say "yeah we can go to my parent's house together after work" or something like that, but instead he just left me in the in-between zone like he always does. This on top of the horrible communication with the rental agent was stressful for me, so I know my texts are mean but I was pissed off by more than 1 guy all in a short amount of time.
Why does my boyfriend say things like "if you want" or "it's up to you" and is this something that is a minor issue or more worrisome?
TLDR: Boyfriend puts all decision-making on me and acts disinterested in everything
Posted Jul 8, 2025, 4:40 PM UTC