I feel like a zombie

I wake up miserable everyday. I go to college. Sit through lectures. Force myself through pointless social situations. Come home binge food and sitcoms I've rewatched literally 10+ times and dread the next day and the same monotonous routine. When there's nothing on the screen (like right now) i spend my time spiraling about how awful i am and how i have sabotaged myself all my life cuz i am my worst enemy. I did all of this to myself. I destroyed myself with my own hands and i have no shred of dignity left. People.. Ask me why i look sad all the time.. I just dont know what to tell them. I'm barely functioning. Sometimes.. I think of getting therapy then i feel like my problems are not big enough for therapy or like.. Therapy can't help me. When i feel a little better sometimes i gaslight myself into feeling bad again. I dont know what to do. I dont wanna function. I... Just wanna be in bed all day binging shows and not do anything ever. ( i can't even watch my comfort shows anymore cuz they mention or show sex and i can't stand sex after a recent event. I can't stand intimacy. I can't stand love. Male touch. Flirtation. Or other people's happiness. That's why i deleted all social media. I only watch food shorts on YouTube.) what's weird is that on a good day.. It feels like i just have to get up and workout or study and then it feels doable for a bit.. But then i end up not doing it. It's like I'm procrastinating with basic functioning. And lastly.. I constantly feel like I'm faking it. I dont have real problems. My life is someone else's dream life. And i hate myself for feeling shitty all the time. Then i hate myseld even more for hating myself and doing all this to myself. And... Thus the spiral goes on...