it feels like im talking to a wall

it genuinely feels like im talking to walls, so today my mom made comments about my hair

and she was just wanting me to wear a perm again

i told her no and she was practically pleading with me about perming it again, and she talked about my natural hair as if it was ugly and a burden aswell as saying it makes me looks old

she then proceeded to come into my room and say that i dont care about how i look

she said she used to always be in the mirror and doing her hair, and she’s trying to force me to be like her

she claims im not happy with how i look and that im always sad because my face doesn’t look happy or because i dont wear bright clothes

it’s not necessarily just the hair

its her trying to “connect with me”

she came in ranting about how i cage myself and dont do things and go outside and always dress up

im trying to find myself and its like im racing against her to find myself before she does. she keeps saying she lived her life and proceeds to keep trying to live mine. she believes im not happy. she believes im wasting my talent,

i always feel like im rushing when she’s around, like i have to be on everything

i do like dressing up she just thinks i dont have style and that i dress “goth” (its not even close)

she thinks i have this “i hate life and the world” perspective she complians that im bot bubbly and doing my hair all the time or prepping to stay in the house

ive noticed that she just has a certain way she views me and the world. i truly am happy and she constantly tries to make me feel like im not happy with myself. its honestly irks me how she thinks she knows how i feel. aswell as trying to twist herself into thinking she’s a role model in my life

she let herself go and yes to be fair she got married and starting caring for her family. but then constantly she tries to live through me, use me as her way of living.

she’s tells me that im letting my years go by. (i firmly believe life isn’t over unless you let it) but when i tell her the things i enjoy doing she laughs (i like anime)

it feels like im drowning and i just wanted to vent, my family is void emotionally, i stopped telling my dad these things because its just “you know she loves you”

she’s upset that i wont be myself, she’s now trying to force me to, she’s trying to get me to be myself the way she wants. conditional love at its finest, because everytime i try to be myself she calls me weird, and compares other “weird” people to me.

does anyone else feel this way?