I think I care too much.

So I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this but I need to rant. And I'm not sure if much will make sense as right now I think I'm going through a bit of a breakdown. But I think I love too deeply. I don't have many friends, one close one and a few that I talk to here and there, I've never had that many friends due to always being the weird kid. The kid that was a little too into youtube as it was first getting popular and into my little pony for an embarrassing amount of time (I'm still into it and 19). So friends were something that didn't really come easy to me plus you add on my anxiety disorder and well...it paints a clear picture. I'm a huge homebody and thrive when I'm alone. I always have. Maybe it's the many traumas I've experienced or maybe I'm just wired to be that way but I am. And I like it. My best friend though is convinced he has to be dating someone. He's got self confidence issues which there's no shame in that, I do too and I'm convinced everyone does! So he looks for the love he lacks in other people but the problem eith that is you can't codepend on someone else for happiness and I try to talk to him about it cause I'm worried! Like genuine worry. The last guy he dated was a toxic manipulative freak. And I mean that in it's most literal form. The dude was awful and I barely got to see my own friend or even hear from him. It sucked and it hurt my feelings as he always said that I was his person. We're like super close and there's not one thing I haven't told him ever. And now he's talking to this girl again, this girl who one day was saying she really liked him only to get with SOMEONE ELSE a few hours later. And so I did my best "You're worth more" speech and well...he got mad. He always says he can handle himself but it's just not true. He had me come over to the last call he had with his previous boyfriend before they broke up. I think I'm just...wrong? Like I'm bad for caring about my friends but I don't know how to just lie to him and pretend I don't care. I don't want to lose him. It's happened once where I was pushed aside and I don't mean just a little to the side I mean I felt like I didn't have a friend at that point. I hate it because if I don't care then I'm not being true to myself and if I am being true to myself I'm caring too much and too deeply. Wouldn't he worry a little if it was flipped? I just feel like I'm the worst right now and I'm not looking for pity. I don't need it and I don't want it. I just want to feel my emotions normally. I don't want thoughts to be running at 100mph in my brain like they always do. I don't want to feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get all of the words out. I don't want to annoy my only close friend and draw him away. I can't help it. I care too deeply and I truly think it's ruining my life. Why doesn't anyone else care this much about me? Am I okay? I'm sorry. This isn't a diary. I don't know what to do right now except run a warm bath and just watch smosh so I think that's what I'm going to do. Maybe if anything happens I'll update. Or I'll rant again on here sometime. I always got a lot to say...