Wife’s high libido no very low

My wife and I have been together for nearly 14 years, starting dating in high school. We are each other’s only real relationship. Our libido had always been very high. Sex almost daily once or twice a day for over a decade if work didn’t separate us. She was always flirty, initiated, teased almost constantly.

Fast forward to now and I’m lucky if I can talk her into sex once or twice a week. The sex is by no means vanilla, but I absolutely pick up on her just trying to get it over with. Doing it just to appease me. Things like when we start, after some foreplay I move/gesture for her to give me oral. She’s starting getting mad and saying, “why do you always assume it’s an every time thing?”, which is completely understandable and she doesn’t have to, it’s just literally every time we’ve had sex for the past decade and a half, foreplay has included a blow job.

Of course there’s several factors, we’re 30 now. I work three jobs and she works one. Her grandmother is in the end stages of life and lives with us, and we’ve had a baby. When discussing her low sex drive, (which she recognizes but kind of denies. Implies I’m hover sexual) she feels the blame is on the latter.

The little things amazing. Hard work but about as easy as we could ask for. The baby has absolutely brought us closer. My wife really is very attractive. Petite and fit. Her figure came back to pre baby very quickly and I always brag on her looks. She truly seems comfortable in her skin.

If anything, my looks have went down hill. I used to be very fit. Amateur bodybuilder fit. 6 foot, 220 with abs. Now with working so many hours I haven’t seen the gym in a couple years. Not fat, but still around 220 but with a belly and much smaller arms and shoulders. She denies my looks being the issue and really doesn’t seem like a vain person and I believe her.

Absolutely not trying to gaslight or blame anyone but myself for my lack of self control, but with the drop off in sex I’ve found myself less attentive at work and other things worried about our lack of sex and for lack of a better phrase, too horny and sexually frustrated to concentrate.

I’ve started watching too much porn. I’m ashamed and hesitant to admit but I’ve found myself lurking on the grotesque pic sharing subreddits. Where they share nude pics of their partners. I would never share my wife’s pictures without her consent (or at all really) but I’m so attracted to her and sexually frustrated, I fantasize about it and feel guilty of the mere temptation.

I really needed to just get this off my chest since I don’t really have anyone I’m willing to be so open with. Any advice? We’re willing to see a counselor/therapist for this and it just seems like a good idea for any young couple with a new baby and busy life.