Not sure if I'm going to make it

I moved to the UK from Australia to be with her because I loved her more than I have ever loved anything in my life, worked as hard as I could to find a good job, provide for her, enrich her life and try and give her as much light and love as she brought me.

She left in March, insisted that she always loved me and that it wasn't my fault but that she needed to explore herself. I later find a reddit post by her claiming that our relationship was 'comphet' which basically means that she was pretending to be straight the whole time. We were engaged for 2 years when she left and together for a bit over 9, I've been with her since I was 18.

We had an engagement party with both our families in January, her mother called me her son and I called her my mother. I spent most holidays with her and her family and I loved them as my own, as my actual family were too far for me to visit from the UK.

Now I'm all alone. I had to move of course so on top of losing the love and light of my life, a family and my future I also lost the home that I built (literally, she was terrible at building furniture) for us both and had to give away or destroy most of our possessions.
I sent the engagement ring and the half-heart puzzle piece necklace she had made for us back to her and I haven't heard from her since, save for the 'comphet' reddit post she made.

I don't have anyone here. Nobody cares about me. I've tried to go out and meet people and I always feel invisible. I hate the way I look in the mirror and while I have friends and family waiting for me in Australia that nature of my work makes it hard to leave. It would be zero-sum as I work in scientific academia. If I left tomorrow then it would be like I never arrived.

I just cant continue to live like this but for some reason I feel compelled to stay and try and make this job work until my contract ends. I am a scientist so if I leave this project it probably won't be published for years and I would have basically wasted the last 2 years of working here.

My contract ends next year september but I really don't think I'm going to make it until then. I can't take the loneliness, the isolation, the constant reminder that I am neurodivergent in a world designed for and populated by 'normal' people. the financial struggles of being alone. the complete lack of human connection. even the silly things like the lack of touch. I had no idea that being touch starved was a thing until now, I had no idea how much physical pain heartbreak can cause until now.

It feels like I just exist rather than live. I am trying so hard to keep going but I don't know how to make the pain stop. I know that if I go, it will destroy my friends and my family but I don't feel strong enough to endure this. I feel like a sad fat pathetic asocial loser with no friends and a receding hairline whose fiance leaving him defines his whole identity.

When I blew my savings to fly home briefly after she left my younger sister asked me: 'Well now you can do whatever you want, what do you want to do?' and I had no answer to give, I still dont. I just want the pain to stop anything to make it stop.

Not sure what I want by posting this, maybe some advice, maybe for someone to say quit your job and go home and take the career hit even if it ends my career or maybe just so there's a trace of me.