How to accept leaving my old life behind

Hi, my name is Sami and I’ve recently come to the realization that in order for me to live the life I want im going to have to leave my family behind. This isn’t just about me being an ex muslim, im a transgender guy living in a muslim country and I need to move out and find someplace I can transition safely. Obviously I won’t do this right away, I plan on being safe first, telling my family I don’t believe in the religion anymore and all that.

I won’t lie, as much as I’ve tried to come to terms with this, I’m scared. I love my parents, despite all the bad things they’ve done to me. My dad is trying to be better and he has a good heart, I see it in him no matter how angry he gets. At this point in my life, I’m forced to dress a certain way. My dad forced me to wear the hijab when I was 15, I am now 20. I can’t go out freely without him monitoring me and he checks my phone occasionally.

I’m coming on here to ask for some advice. How do I reconcile with everything? Leaving my family behind? My siblings? I love my siblings more than anything, and I can’t stand the fact that they may not want to be in contact with me if I’m not a muslim, let alone transgender. To anyone that’s moved out of their household, especially those who are queer, how did you do it? How did you plan? How did you confront your parents? Is there hope for my parents to still accept and love me? I’m so lost, I want them in my life but I know if they found out who I truly was they wouldn’t want to be in mine.

The only thing I can think of that would make this easier is that my dad once stated “There is no use of a non muslim in my house. If you’re not muslim, I don’t want you living here.” So honestly, I could be telling him I’m doing him a favor.

I am currently in university, about to start my second year in September. I am heavily financially reliant on my father. I may go abroad for my masters, but even that is dependent on circumstances. My mom left, she was done with my dad and his antics so that’s one less parent to worry about. How do I move out? How do I bring myself to face this? And again, can the relationship with my parents be mended if I decide to leave? I’d like to hear anyone’s story. It’d be of great help.