how to get through this

hi everybody, i’m a 19f, i suffer with severe depression, severe anxiety and i have borderline personality disorder (bpd), for the last maybe three years ive hated my life, i don’t have any friends, ive been overweight all of my life, i had a job at one point that involved children but was ultimately pushed out after my employer found out i had bpd and said she didn’t trust me around children (which sent me down a spiral as i had always dreamt of working with children and it felt like id never be able to because of my bpd), ever since then i think ive lost all motivation, im not suicidal or anything but i just don’t have a any motivation for anything, its a struggle to get out of bed even to eat or shower, i know my post probably seems silly compared to the others on this page but im really struggling, i dont want to hate myself anymore.

(also i know that my being overweight could be fixed by just going to the gym and eating healthy but as i mentioned i have severe anxiety and already struggle to eat a meal a day)