i miss going back

we were on and off(?) for a long time. as awful as it was, it was comforting to know that he was always going to come back. it was just a matter of time. i miss knowing that if i run back to him, he’ll be there. that we’ll always find our way to each other. at 4 am when the party ends and he has no one to talk to. at 6 pm when i see the sunset and believe its a sign. 7 pm after training and his shirt clings to him just like i did. we always found our way back.

he’d pretend he has good intentions. i’d pretend to fall for it, swallowing all the reasons it didn’t work out all the times before. i chant if you’re gonna be stupid, you better be tough in my head as he puts his hand in the small of my back. and i melt. like i always do. i feel his lips curl when he kisses me and i know he’s won but at the moment, it feels like my victory too. we always found our way back.

now i’m not so sure anymore.