I have to visit a hematologist because of blood work that might mean I have cancer. If I do, and it's bad, I don't really want to fight it.

I have to visit a hematologist because of blood work that might mean I have cancer. If I do, and it's bad, I don't really want to fight it.

More aggressive forms of cancer have a low survivability rate and, even if I can treat it, my quality of life is at risk and I still might get it again. Treatments are so taxing on the body, and expensive even with insurance. Afterwards, I'd possibly have to go on disability. I'm not sure if I would want to go through it. Is it insane for me to want to, you know, live out the rest of my possibly short existence? Experience life while I still can, instead of feeling sick and exhausted all the time from chemotherapy and surgeries? Is it suicidal to care about my parents and the costs they would likely have to bear fighting something that might not go away? It's not like I can afford cancer treatments, I can barely even afford my car and medicines. I know, I know, it might not be cancer. But on the off chance it is, is it okay to go out my way?