Dating brothers

Juicy tagline I know.. but it’s honestly both wild and frustrating that this is my life. My background- female dating for long term in her twenties- I have been using dating apps for the past couple of years after a long term relationship, but haven’t had a serious relationship in a minute. I have a specific type I am attracted to, and I met someone who fits that about a month ago on Hinge. From the start he made it clear that he was just looking for casual after his last breakup, and truthfully I find while I’m dating seriously, that it’s nice to have that intimacy component covered so I don’t rush things with first and second dates. I don’t sleep with anyone else, and if I do I would tell him. That’s the background… It’s fun and easy it’s casual.

Last week, I went on a first date and it started off really well- this guy was absolutely my type, smart, well rounded, athletic. Conversation flowed easily, I asked about his family and he mentioned he just had a younger brother that was 4 years younger than him, so I said, “oh so he’s my age?” And he clarified when his birthday was, that he’d a bit older than me, turning 2X in the fall.

Something clicked then, that that was uncannily similar to my hook up, and that they definitely were the same age. Didn’t push then and continued chatting with him, but went to the bathroom about 1 hour into the date and put my dates first name in front of my hook ups last name on Facebook and sure enough, it pulls up with my dates profile pic that’s also on his Hinge. Internally I’m both panicking and laughing, both how is this my life… and of course this is my life. I don’t say anything and we continue with our date. He drove us from his place so we head back and he gives me the tour (truly just a tour) and then we kiss. At this point I am aware that this is the single best date I’ve been on since 2023… I don’t let it go any further because I knew I had to tell him, but he was leading with everything, the kiss, the interest in a second date, etc. I was so scared to tell him but I found a break in the conversation where I said “I have to tell you something” which is a wild thing to have to say on a first date. But I tell him I’ve been seeing his brother, and he says no f*cking way. He asked to see his profile, I showed it, and clarified that it’s very new, very casual, and it’s not what I’m looking for long term, and that if we continue I would of course not continue seeing him. Reasonably, he said he needed to think about it, so he walks me down to my car we hug and part ways.

I follow up with him that night to say- “I had a really great time, and that I don’t feel like it’s all that common to have that great of a first date, and it’s your call of course, you should keep thinking about it. But just shooting my shot here, I’d still like to see you again.” He responds as well as I can hope- “Hey I had a great time too. I'll keep thinking about it for sure. Have fun in ___!” I head out of town to see family for the holiday weekend and this week. I cut off communication with the younger bro, in case older bro comes around. I followed up with older bro a couple days ago, to see where he’s at… he left me on read. I checked in to see if he told younger bro about the date, and he hadn’t yet (5 days). He had basically the same response 1. No fcking way 2. We have similar looks and mannerisms how didn’t you know (they don’t have any photos of each other on their profiles, really not my fault there) but 3. Yeah he’s better than me… and he’s pretty much what you’re looking for. I wasn’t ready for that… and it kept me up last night. This situation created an impossibly fcked scenario for my love life.

I really want to how things could go with older bro. What would you do/say, how would you attempt to come back from this?