Am I demisexual?

I'm very confused at the moment, I think I'm demisexual but I also think I'm getting my feeling and thoughts confused with having very bad trust issues.

I'll been in about 2/3 relationships in my life plus a situationship. And the while time my feelings have been manipulative and using my feelings for them to realises their feelings for a ex's.

Also had a friendship for about 10 years. We stopped talking in 2020. And that was busy controlling, manipulative and (kind of) abusing (all from their side).

I have build up that many walls I don't really know my own feelings anymore, I'm so scared of getting hurt again thatbi can't even knock the walls down.

So the question I have, am I getting mixed up with trust issues and Demisexual or if it something else im thinking of? ( or just overthinking it)