It’s been a year since the breakup.
The relationship was intense, toxic, and emotionally draining — I gave so much love, and in return I got manipulation, rejection, gaslighting, and repeated abandonment.

And ever since… it’s the same cycle.

Every 2 to 3 months — he pops up.
A message. A check-in. Some vague passive-aggressive “Hey, how are you?”
As if the screaming, insults, and cold silences never happened.
As if I’m supposed to just… respond normally? He pushed me away. Not once. But multiple times.
When I was at my most vulnerable.
When I moved countries for him.
When I lost my job.
When I needed support, he threw me out of his life like I meant nothing.

And now — that I’m finally, truly gone — now he wants access again.
Not because he loves me.
But because I’m no longer available.
Because he can’t feel my energy anymore.
Because he’s losing control.

Yes, I broke no contact before.
Yes, I responded. I hoped. I gave him too many chances to be better.

But this time? I see it clearly.

This “checking in every few months” isn’t love.
It’s a habit. A pattern. A way to test if I’m still his option.

Well… I’m not.

To anyone going through this:
If someone doesn’t know what they want — don’t let them keep you as a backup.
Love is not “remembering you exist every few months.”

This time, I’m staying in no contact.
No more “ok.”
No more “just asking.”
No more opportunities to pretend nothing happened.

Because once you really leave — you don’t go back for a “hey.”

A year after the breakup and on/off no contact — 2.5 months later, here he is again.