tales from the trailer park.

I am visually impaired, dyslexic, adhd, ocd, anxiety disorder probably other junk..... I know its all unreadable.. its ok just go read someone else.
I don't know what this is, just wanted to say it somewhere, not looking for advice, I just wanna tell the story.

I am a year old 47 female. I honestly can not remember a time in my life when I wasn't sick. Childhood allergies, asthma, obese, a real regular ole "fat gurl"!

That was one of the loving nicknames my family loved to holler as soon as I was in ear shot. My dad started calling me that so, well what do ya do. If you are tiny Diana you mostly endure with small scary eruptions that seem to come out of no where according to my parents and teachers.

It strange how i kept so many things quite. It so odd how even now people will never fully understand the weird places any one of us grows up in. There's always that uncle right?!?! HAHAHA. More like which uncle wasn't, which aunt wasn't, which older cousin wasn't, which one of them trailer park at home day cares wasn't.... Every where i was there was one of them.

We were poor. Like, they played this odd game of being better than everyone else in the trailer park, but what exactly does that even prove.

So William and Virginia got the biggest lot, right up front the property so she could plant these stupid ass day lilies. I was nine, I hadn't been to the dentist ever, we had over 2000 day lilly bulbs in her gardens if you believed a single word she ever said.

This last move, better chance, better house, was probably the start of the end of how I saw my parents. Things had already been sketchy for years. Them waiting for proof when I would mention touches that were not right, how maybe your over reacting, you misunderstood what was happening, you are being strange and odd for no reason. They just never cared to listen to anything i said, well unless someone else said something. No one did.

Mom and Dad held this odd place in the family. Like since dad could keep a job driving trucks, and mom mostly worked line work in a furniture factory, neither had drug problems and neither drank at all ever until I hit about 12 or 13. There was this weird ass situation where I was hanging out at my adult brothers house, Jr, yeah he was junior. same name as his father, same daddy, different incubator.

I drank like two sips of a fucking wine cooler and my mother went completely fucking insane!!!!

That was it we (sil, another chick, me) were riding back roads throwing the empties at signs. My turn came, and I am an idiot, I poured it up my sleeve. For just once, I felt like part of that side of the family for like 30 mins. I am such an idiot.

Soon as the drink went up my sleeve I knew it was going to be so stupid, Sil gave me a old t shirt said tell her you just spilled the drink. I said doesn't' matter she will say I am a drug addict now watch. Mom blew this whole thing to the sky.
She threaten legal action, I never admitted to drinking anything, sil or who ever the other chick was fessed up. Bitch i don't snitch. Doesn't matter that whole side swore to the fucking sky, I told my mother I was drunk off two sips of a wine cooler and now my mother was calling cps on people AGAIN!

This was my life, my mother starting shit with people then making it look some how like it was my fault I lied, I exaggerated, I misunderstood, she was only protecting blah blahblah and it was my fault.
So again I wasn't part of that side of the family.

It was dumb she wasn't calling cops. I would've never told the cops I drank anything even if I was smashed. So what ever. Mom knew this, dad made sure she knew this. Things kind of settle a bit right. Fuck you.

I may have been 12 to be honest. So much of my life if in a jumble. I can remember stuff like yesterday, I just don't know the time frame. cptsd does strange shit to your brain.

The trailer park war was ehhhhhhh.
Nothing major, couple weeks go by and I'm not allowed to ever ever hang out with sil again and I have to get back into church. Jr got a call from his buddy that was on the drug squad, so me and mom went down and cleaned out his place before the swat could hit him. Two days or so later things were back to normal ish..... I mean I was 12, helping mom, get my older brother drugs and guns out the house before the police show up and it was just Tuesday.
Swat showed the next day, on time, knocked, walked around, brought the dog my dad and brother helped his buddy train, and this is just small town south Georgia. Just a Wednesday.

My mom really liked being the good guy, even if it meant doing what the fuck ever dad told her to do when he said to muther fucking do it. "God damn it Virginia" was usually as far as it needed to go and she would jump.

It cost him every fucking time, well ok that time it cost Jr.
once it was all clear and police gone jr come down for his shit. Mom and dad go down, I didn't, dad was actually mad she took me to go get the shit when he told her to leave me at his xes house. Whatever, I refused to stay at his x wife's house, because of her pedo daughter/son duo . Older than me younger than my half siblings.

Yeah my dads x not only had my bother and sister, but also had two kids after... ya know I don't know if my dad was with her at the time she had them or was in jail,,,, or was running from jail.... or like maybe that was when he was in the military....not sure anyone ever knew 100% who their dads were. Not back then for sure.

The older fucker was called my brother! HA, and he called my father "dad" like he had some right to him. The x married to my fathers brother since the divorce, uncle James, uggh hole nother level of bullshit out of that grown ass man he was a pawn as well though so I kinda felt bad for him.

Uncle James never learn how to read, the school figured out why with me, dyslexia is a really asshole of a gene.

He never had a drivers license that I can remember growing up cause he was always drinking. He just mainly nodded and smile when people talked, and I just figured it was beer since he was always caring one or on the way to get more. He never really held good jobs, he was a truck driver like dad, like my granddaddy, its stupid. uggh. They also like to share the fact he was born with both sets of genital's and so he couldn't have his own children and that's why the second shit head was his daughter. They made fun of him to his face, regularly. well my dad and his sisters did, I saw it at aunt Lou's house more than once. The man wasn't very strong, and it was obvious he had always been the punching bag growing up, and even now. He lived with my fathers x wife, feeding and clothing his kids, they can say what ever the fuck they want my parents NEVER PAID FOR MY OLDER SIBLINGS ONCE I WAS BORN. I knew this back then. They would swoop in with a goodwill haul, some food pantry food, and a couple hundred here and there, beyond that my dad never even kept medical insurance on his kids.

I never had health insurance. My dad was a felon, so no food stamps and no health care. they would pay for this accident insurance that would pay for broken bones if they happened at school.

Guess how many bones the school paid for that didn't happen at school and yet did.

This man, uncle James, would straight up spit on my feet with nasty ass tobacco spit and laugh cause I couldn't do shi i was a kid and he was an elder. Call me names, make fun of me for not being able to read like his daughter..... the one who is at least 5 yrs older, and ummmmm isn't his fucking kid and everyone knows this.

THEY ALWAYS KNEW THIS, it was almost like a scab my mother loved picking at with that woman. Mom loves other peoples wounds. OMFG does that woman love to help broken people so she can use it against them and lie, she loves to lie.

I can only guess as to why those kids hated me and treated me so bad. fuck I don't know, being this mans kid meant absolutely nothing to anyone outside the trailer park. who tortured me most my childhood from weird sex crap, to burning me with a clothing iron, scalding me with water, breaking my arm, catching bees in solo cups hold me down and see how many stings till I would swell up and have to leave.
At the same time she would've done it anyway cause now she can boast, get attention, use it later against you, geeezzzus that woman never told a solid truth her whole damn life.

You know its just always been like that. This weird tug of war, of perfection on this food stamp budget, like how the fuck can you be proud of this???

It wasn't too long after this bullshit that i was even dumber than all that. I am the master of being a dumb fuck, seriously. My daddy would say "you the dumbest smart ass I ever met".

I was done with people always making the adult shit my fault.
they used every thing in this odd push and pull, I never had a full grasp on but understood way better than they thought.

I was at school, I was bragging about all the weed I had smoked.

I had never smoked weed, I was this wierdo who couldn't figure out what was truth and what wasn't. I thought ever one either smoked weed or lied and said they did cause well that's what everyone did. They either bragged about what they did or they said they did it bigger and better.
First time I learned the shut up or put up rule of white trash America.
This girl whose grandmom lived at the end of the road in the turn around.
Poor folks don't get cudelsac we get dead ends.
so home girl brought weed to school. WE WERE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL! Bruh!
So she started rolling a very loose joint, my brain was racing with all the dare bullshit from those assembles. My mom and dad talking shit about relatives.

They legit talked shit about weed like it was worse than cocaine

Any way I told yall i am an idiot especially in social situations. I have never pulled that off right ever.
I tried to play it cool but, I was high.
This other girl our age walks up she thinks we are just smoking cause we the bad kids, and hang out furthest from adults as possible.
Honestly I don't remember what she said cause being arrested kinda fucked that days memories up.

I don't even remember leaving the school to go to the cop place. That happens alot for me as well.

I remember being in this larger office space with a bunch of desk but only two people, two men and my mom are the only people I remember in the place. Maybe that was all that was there.
I was sitting in a chair, heavy with wheels, and it went from side to side with no noise, and the seam was frayed at the back of my leg and I couldn't stand it to touch me so I was kind sat forward with my feet flat knees not touching that nasty disgusting thread.

They asked me where it come from, I said I didn't know.
I didn't it wasn't a lie. I have no fucking clue where to get weed except maybe steal it from ya know anyone related to me.

This idea also occurred to the cops. They started pushing about jr.
This got my attention quick and I snapped back into the room and out of the seam of the chair.
I sat there and started listening to my mother babble about how she can't believe her daughter, everything she has done for me, all that she gives, how I am such a disappointment, her only child, the better child, acting just like her half siblings, he probably did have something to do with this.
FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK is all I heard in my head.
No, it was the blonde girl at school she brought it from home you will have to ask her.

You can snitch, but only if it means clearing family from the shit show you made.

Mom on the other hand was a bit in a tough spot, dad heard the tape of her blabbering about how awesome she is and how his shit family was to blame.

So the story tilted.
Mom told everyone that the cops randomly thought about jr, not really, mom was very quick to drop jrs name once at the station cause she some how thought his friend would be there or that some how jr was friends with all cops. She could've just asked for his friend by name instead of bringing up my half brother who had recently been searched. . she is a true idiot.

To be honest I am not sure they would've thought about him at all if it wasn't for mom.

So the tilt. She told everyone it was me who brought up my brother being searched. then she said I got scared cause she told them I was lieing so I lied on the old lady down the road.

I just said the blonde girl at school that was down there and new. There was always new kids, I didn't know half the peoples names i did know. It would've just been me in trouble. No one else. cause I didn't know.
Mom told them about the new girl who visited her grandmother last weekend she was the old lady at the end of the road.
Guess who got raided.
Guess whose mother told everyone that it was me who told the cops the little old lady gave her grand kid weed to give to me, so we could... I don't know be addicts of...weed!
I have never been able to understand my mothers reasoning when she lies, which is pretty much every time she speaks.
Dad mostly just let her do what ever the fuck she wanted it seemed.

I got probation after that weekend un juvey. I think the old lady got a misdemeanor charge, and I was suspended for a couple weeks from school. Nothing has ever been normal for me. Even the punishment stuff. I had to spend 3 days i think in a juvenile facility. which was dumb, like a scared straight kinda thing. But I didn't care I honestly would've liked to have stayed. I mean that one girl stabbed her mom in the chest with scissors. Maybe I could learn to hate these people with enough "bad" kids telling me my mom is the absolute worst and I should tell a kiddie cop and get cps involved.
odd now thinking kids in the system, deep in the system telling me foster care would be better.

While I was suspended from school I had to stay at my dads sisters house. She is a whole monster in her own right. Again I never could stay mad at this woman cause her story was soooooo fucked up.

I don't even know why I wanna write all of it somewhere. Those pieces of my life I have tried so hard to fade to black but for what ever reason they keep creeping back front and center. It's exhausting. Maybe if I spill the truth, I can leave it?
I don't really want all this in some forum to be picked at for my shit intelligence, grammar, spelling, rambling. Just fuck off kay.